Tuesday, September 30, 2008

A new solution to an old problem

Here at overthinking I try to bring you the latest in deep thinking. You know, stuff that can help you to overcome the shit that happens to you on a daily basis. Yeah. I'm just such a caring sort of person and this is why I do such a magnanimous thing. So continuing in this helpful opus I give you my latest solution to an age old problem.

How many times have you awoken and gone to make a cuppa and toast for breakfast only to notice that there are strange scratch marks on the butter that you inadvertently left on the kitchen table the night before?

You look to the cat . And he has a really happy but guilty look on his face. Yep! He's been licking the exposed butter all bloody night!

Here's my solution guys:

The Moo Cow Butter Dish and the Culprit

You can see he's trying to think of his own solution in this one

Yep! I was in the right place at the right time. $6. What a grand solution! And I just love Moo Cows and the butter they provide too. A perfect combination of aesthetics and practicality.

These are wonderful times that we live in aren't they?

Wouldn't have a clue

Things appear to have gone down the gurgler in America. News is that the Wall Street boys have lost it. They have messed about for quite a number of years now with playing and paying for war and having an idiot for president and such and it seems the party is over.

I started thinking about this money based existence we live in and I came to a rather startling realization- when it comes to all that money-economic -finance stuff, I really wouldn't have a clue.

So here's what a clueless person ( me) concludes about the whole situation with regards to the economic end of the world. I hope it helps to stop the worry over all these troubled times once and for all. All the boys who think they know it all can't seem to stop it so the whole thing is worthless knowledge. It's up to guys like me now so here we go.. It's like something else we know we can't have any control over isn't it? Death. Belief in something like God and an after life helps us to stop worrying about it though. Following on from that I reckon my absurd and baseless formulas for solving the economic woes are just as useful.

Here's my recipe then:

Just breathe through it. Keep going as usual.

And what exactly is usual?

It goes like this:

Sell sell sell and buy buy buy, sell and buy, buy and sell, sell sell buy buy, sell buy buy, buy sell sell, buy buy till you bye bye. This is how the stock exchange really works so if we follow suit something's gotta work in the end. Makes good financial sense doesn't it? Maybe I do know something about economics after all.

Monday, September 29, 2008

How females behave


This is really deep

I was out back doing some gardening the other day and my daughters little Chihuahua bitch was watching me intently. I noticed that every time I looked up from my work her ears would drop and she would look somewhere else avoiding any kind of evidence that she was watching me. So in order to test my observation I would look away slightly then quickly turn back and look at her. She would avert her vision every time.

Aha! I'm onto you girls!

I often wondered over my life why women never seemed to look at me. I knew it was impossible that I was that ugly. I may even be a good looking guy. I think that because I have always managed to have good looking women - two pretty wives in the past and a new girlfriend now who is also very pretty - I suspect it is just luck or maybe they just feel sorry for me.

Anyway, the rule for the female, of all species it would appear, is: Don't get caught looking at the opposite sex.

Hang on!

That's the same for us guys. If you ever get caught looking at those inviting and highly flaunted boobies you are in big trouble. You are seen as some kind of lecherous horror head. It doesn't matter that their owner has them nearly hanging out of her top- don't look!!!

It is a disgrace to show keen interest in the opposite sex. Just keep yourself to yourself. Be truly moderate- like a eunuch. Keep those eyes well and truly under control man.

And of course if you happen to be advanced in your years- well- don't be a dirty old man by looking at the young females of the species. You are totally disgusting if you do so.

The bible has the solution: If thine eye offends thee - pluck it out. Oh great- such useful and sensitive advice from those ancient Jewish men- - They knew about control didn't they? They had the ultimate solution. Rip your bloody eyes out you sinner. Happy sexy thoughts turn to hellish nightmares when you think of this one. One wonders how they ever reproduced. They would all be staggering around blindly.

We should all just have empty sockets where eyes once were.

That works!!

It's far less painful and easier to simply not get caught. My daughter's little dog demonstrated the solution to me so easily. It's the natural way of things and that is - don't get caught.

See there are simple solutions to every problem!?!?

Now what was the problem again?

Friday, September 26, 2008

Tailoring thought to fit belief

Here's an important sounding concept; Cognitive dissonance

It's best described by my post of a few days ago when I was showing off my latest hat which I had made.

I had the belief that I looked dorky in it but really I looked fantastic. It's how I got around my belief that I am a dork. When the fact is I am not. I am really very cool as I have observed and discussed in previous posts.

If you are not following the above elucidation then maybe this will help.

This notion came from this source which is a discussion on Slashdot today. It just about says it all.

When it comes to having an opinion or some kind of belief it is best to keep it strictly to oneself. We risk looking absolutely foolish in just about any of our expressed thoughts.

Just look how stupid I look on this useless blog!!!!

The above line is another example of cognitive dissonance. I really know that I am not stupid and that my posts are not stupid because- well---

I'm not stupid! Am I?

Something to sleep on

In an attempt to give myself a little overthinking for my time in bed tonight I had this final thought for the evening:

What if:

The universe out there- you know, the stars and galaxies and all those pretty pictures that Hubble feeds us----------

What if they were just an illusion?

What if:

We are in some kind of cocoon of dispensed reality. Some kind of zoo keeper type of world here on Earth.

What if those historic understandings of the stars, that they were simply pinholes in a dark fabric that the gods hung up in the sky and such, were really the way it is.

That reminds me---------------

Those bloody moths have chewed a hole right through my floral curtains in the lounge room. Better get some new ones this week.

That's better- now I can sleep.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Interplanetary collisions can ruin your day

We have the US economy in chaos which of course threatens the entire global economy. Now we have astronomers discovering a collision of two planets in a mature solar system such as our own.

So obvious how media works-Nothing to worry about today so let's get 'em worrying about the slim possibility stuff.

I have a real worry- now where's that 4 mm crochet hook? Got a 3.5 mm and a 4.5 mm but just cant find the one I need at the moment.

With any luck Venus will collide with us shortly and I won't need to worry about finding a silly crochet hook anyway.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

My History of Tech

Here's my short history on my personal use of technology. Well the true highlights anyway all the rest was just second rate.

1958 The hatchet. I found the small Tommy Hawk Axe to be the best technology of the day. You could use one side for hammering and one side for splitting wood and you could throw it so you could do things from a distance. I spent many pleasant hours whacking things with it until I made something. One day I was splitting wood with it for my mum. A splinter speared through my wrist so I lost my fascination with hatchets.

1965. The slingshot. This was a fun little make it yourself piece of tech. I would fashion the body from wire and use those big fat rubber bands for the sling with the tongue of an old shoe used for the ammo pouch. I could launch just about anything great distances with it and I was a fairly accurate shot. I even used to launch fireworks like Penny Bangers ( little sticks of dynamite). The neighbourhood was terrorized by my hobby of using it to lob crackers on their roofs at night . All went well until I got caught. End of the slingshot.

1983. The computer. Yeah I don't really have much to say about this thing. It does just about everything in the world that is fun and that I want to do but it really does absolutely nothing. My life would be so much more productive if I didn't have an addiction to this bloody tech.

All this amazing tech was soon to pale into insignificance--------------------------

2004 The Crochet Hook. Oh wow. This is the best of the best. All that came before it meant nothing. It is singularly the most ingenious tool of all time. When one suffers follicular challenge the use of a crochet hook is a God send. I have a fine selection of hats to choose from because I have a crochet hook. My bald head can take on any colour I wish.

Shut out the troubles of the world and crochet. Stop taking those pills and be happy with two items- yarn and a hook. And have a warm head in Winter and no sunburn in Summer.

Peace in a stick!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

My latest hat creation

I don't mind a risk. I don't mind looking dorky. I have no choice because that's the way God made me. Dorky is----- well, not good, but-----natural for me.

Anyway in order to continue the laughs on this blog here is my latest hat. I personally designed and crocheted it.

Laugh it up people!!!!!!I don't care!I'm bloody proud of it!

Polishing the gem

I was looking at my cat this morning and thinking what a beautiful looking animal it is. It meowed at me with equal admiration and I hope it was thinking how beautiful I looked also. So of course it was pat and rub time. I pat him and he rubs up against me.

Then I started thinking ( it always happens this way- something small then something big - bit like sex eh?)

If we don't do the same with our partners, they are not like cats- they will leave. Unlike cats they won't hang around forever simply for the tucker we provide. If we don't polish the gem they will stop shining for us. They will leave.

It has happened to me several times in my life. The moment you stop with the pampering of the ego and the trimmings of affection- something fades.

And it's up to us blokes to do it. You can't let down your guard for a moment. A little bit of polish from time to time during the day and that gem will continue to shine. It's funny how so many blokes forget to do just that myself included. And then we go around long- faced wondering how a woman could possibly leave us.

Women are like gems. Polish them every day to keep them at their best.

Oh how we forget so easily to do the little things in our daily lives. The little things stop the big things growing in ways we do not want.

Man, this was a bit too serious for this blog. Forget you ever saw it here.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Caught out

I wonder if the boys let out a little swear word or two when the big collider thingy broke again. You know. Things were just starting to go around nicely and suddenly bang it's broken again. And the guys in the white coats staring at the screens in the control room just accept this unemotionally. Or do you reckon they just went " Oh Fuck!!!" Or is that too unscientific?

I got caught out with the fucked word yesterday. I copied a few saved games from an old saves folder on my pc to my girlfriend's pc at her place via a usb stick. Her 8 year old son is playing Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic and wanted to check out my saved games so I brought them down to him.

I booted up the game and lo and behold the name on one of my games was " Fucked". He noticed straight away of course. Boy, was I in trouble.

I'm supposed to be a good influence on the young lad. I had really fucked it up big time.

I asked him politely not to tell his mum or I was in big trouble. But ah no! He just had to blab. Man------- I was so embarrassed.

It was really fucked I tell ya!

Oh fuck! I hope she doesn't read this post. Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!

They broke their new toy

Ah bad luck for the boys and girls at the Large Hadron Collider. It broke for the second time yesterday. Out of commission for at least 2 months now.

It just doesn't want to work like a good collider should. It kept breaking the wrong parts. I had one in the bottom of my crockery cupboard but mine broke also when a bowl fell against it. That's the thing with colliders. The things collide against each other and they just break. Very annoying.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Cure for thought


Well you do think---- but only about them and their needs.

This seems too heavy for this blog. But I have stayed at my girlfriend's place last night and she has kids and today is the first day of school holidays and,-------and,--------and,-------Need I say more?

If I had hair it would be fully standing on end right now.

So finally I have rediscovered the cure for overthinking the trivia of life. Be a parent.

Ain't got time for the shit I think about when you're a parent.

Kids! Your best distraction.

Problem is you then overthink their trivia and not your own. I guess its better than being selfish.

At this stage of my life I have to say- I like selfish. Sorry 'bout that!

Now back to the all important - --------

Uh- Oh!!!

The cat vomited in the kitchen!

Now that's what you call poetic justice for daring to have such thoughts.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Survived another day

It's a battle to survive. Or, apparently it is so.

After last night's chicken little routine by my ex I awoke this morning to find a world totally as it was the day before with one exception, the stock market rallied and had its biggest rise in 6 years. Well this is a terrible disappointment for some people. Team Doom were getting rather exuberant about the prospect of a global collapse and a 1930's style depression. Their wishes are yet to come true poor things. They will comfort themselves in their confidence that it will happen one day and they will be ready because they will be prepared. And I must agree with them on this.

Everything will collapse one day. Nothing is permanent except possibly dishwashing. So I must keep right on top of it. I would hate to leave this planet contributing to the mess with my dirty dishes left undone. I will keep diligent in this I promise.

As to stockpiling food for the big day as my ex suggested to daughter last night, well, I simply haven't got the money. I have much more electronics to buy yet. I don't want to waste money on food. I want to go down with no dirty dishes and a shitload of the latest tech. That's my dream. And I'm sticking to it. I'm going down happy when it all falls apart. This is unlike those miserable people in their shipping crates in the desert living on their goji berries or whatever. They may be alive but what sort of life?

Blowflies, dust, dried goji berries, no toys --- forget it!!

Chicken Little

The sky is falling!!!!
The sky is falling!!!!
Run away!!!!
Run away!!!!

Oh no, it's alright. It's just the stock market crashed and everyone is panicky. My ex wife and her partner are the best people at doom talk. They are big fans of collapse. They look bad,smell bad and dress in rags preparing for it. They are ready to run away and live in a shipping container in the bush My ex has been predicting the end of the world for years now. She left me because the end of the world was coming and she knew I would be useless in such a scenario.

She hooked up with a panicky Israeli guy. She is attracted to panicky guys. They make a great couple of true dedicated doomsayers I tell you. I was lousy at it. I was too pissed all the time and just couldn't work up enough panic for her because of it. They have a real good time together I tell you. Constantly on the lookout for catastrophe can be a fun thing to do. Anything from changes in sunspot activity to the economic climate; all this is their playground to extract fun times together. They run around like chooks with their heads cut off at the slightest sniff of the end. Collapsing economy fits the bill real nice for them I tell you. They are reveling in it. Good times indeed. Bring it on baby!

She just phoned my daughter up at midnight saying that the world economy has collapsed and she better start stockpiling food. That got my daughter panicking for about a half a minute. But then all of her latest suitors came on line all at once begging her to be with each of them. I guess they sniffed that time was short too.

Forget it- there be plenty and abundance in this house I tell you. Well plenty of young men worrying about something far more important than the end of the world.

Maybe the human race is like the poor little lemmings- mating as they fall off the cliff.

I better start fitting out my old chook shed up the back. I may need it to live in when the end comes- won't be able to afford this house.

Who cares. I got some dishes to wash. I'm happy.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

More pollution

Yes fans, it's time for me to subject you to my wonderful thoughts yet again. Stop reading now if you wish. You know it's all very pointless. As was indicated by my previous piece of enlightenment some minutes ago- not much goes on here.

What still with me? You must be as bored as I.

I got to thinking about our favourite subject again today. No not sex- dishwashing.

And I thought about how when I was a kid dishes simply didn't need to be washed. It was a process that was out of my reality. My meals simply appeared on plates and I didn't know whether they were clean or not because they were covered with my food at the time. I presumed that they were just there on demand all the time and at any given moment. I must not have noticed my poor mother always at the kitchen sink. I was in a pure state of oblivion. I had no pity for her poor lady. For God's sake I didn't even comprehend the perpetual nature of dishwashing.

As I progressed through life dishes became more important and mainstream. So much so that now they are somewhat my everything. You see I have a daughter. And she lives here with me and she is 24 but she still doesn't see that there is a thing called dishwashing and that it is relentless and that it is all consuming in our lives. Because you see, she never does the dishes. Yes I know it's hard to believe; but my 24 year old daughter never wants or even notices that there are dishes that need to be washed. So isn't that just amazing? How two adults living under the same roof can have such a different perception of reality.

This is really deep philosophical stuff. She is very busy at the moment because there are so many suitors in her bedroom, some 200 at present, that she simply can't do the dishes. She has serious work to do. The dishes don't rate and can wait. All those messages and chats and emails have to be answered. I must admit after she finishes eating her meal between busily typing to yet another frantically eager young prospect she does manage sometimes to bring the dirty dishes out to the sink. They never quite get scrapped off, but hey, I understand. And actually getting them into the dishwasher- well impossible of course. It takes time. ( Yes I have a dishwasher - but it is not enough as we all know) She is really busy and I have nothing to do. Do I? Well I might have but there are dishes so of course let's get the priorities right.

Anyway, as I said, it is deep philosophical stuff. As we grow older we grow in our understanding of reality. We gain in wisdom. Our perception takes on a spiritual flavour. And I now know that we all get it in the end. We all get it big time............IN THE END!

What do we get?

Payback maybe? My poor deceased mother must look down and laugh when she sees me chained to the sink hour after hour, day after day, year after year.

Reality- dishes
Life- dishes
Afterlife- no dishes
Bring it on- Heaven truly exists.

So what do we get?

We die and there are no more dishes. God wasn't kidding when He said things were gonna get tough for us after Adam stuffed up. Dishes were coming.

Spring has sprung

And a young man's fancy turns to - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -Oh, I'm not young anymore so who gives a shit!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

I had it right

I finally got it right. I no longer drink or smoke. Haven't smoked for 10 years and haven't touched a drop for nearly 3. I am so proud of myself for getting addicted in the first place and then for beating the addiction. You have to bang your head against a brick wall in order to feel really good when you finally stop.

But wait!

In the Age newspaper today: DRINKING can be good for your heart — but you have to be a lazy smoker with an aversion to fruit and vegetables to reap the full benefits.

Oh my God! I've made a terrible mistake!

I will work at getting back to my perfect state of health again by immediately heading down the pub with a packet of smokes. But wait you can't smoke in pubs anymore. You've gotta be able to do both at once so I will pick up a slab and come home and fill the house with that wonderful stinking tobacco smoke.

I can hardly wait.

Life is going to be so good again.

I've been living so horribly these past years.

Trying to be so good is really really hard.

I really want to be naughty but I thought it was bad for you.

I was just one big scaredy cat.

Hang on----------------------------------------

I'm a pensioner now. Haven't got too much money. When I sm0ked I used to go through 3 pouches of rolly tobacco per week - these days that would be a fortune. And I used to drink about 2 slabs a week. Goodness that would be $90 per week alone.

Just like I always thought. ---------------

You gotta be wealthy to be healthy.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

I don't know you but I love you

My daughter is pretty. She is 24. She is single. In mating terms she is prime real estate.

Enough said.

When I was a kid I used to love to fish. I have clear memory of those times when I went to the lakes area of Victoria an area that is abundant with fish- or used to be- they have stuffed it now of course. Anyway, I would drop my baited hook into the water and up would come an absolute cloud of small fry fish. Millions of them trying to get the bait. It was a real hassle because you just couldn't get your bait to the bottom where the big fish were. They were all nibbling away or just getting in the way of the bait sinking down to the desired depth. I spent my time re-baiting rather than actually fishing.

This is the same scenario of what is going on with my daughter when she is on the internet on some of these social sites.

There are millions of hungry men ( and boys) waiting hungrily to swoop on the girl as soon as she is spotted. Never have I seen such a feeding frenzy. It makes those fish look well fed and disinterested in my tasty offering when I was fishing all those years ago.

The internet makes it so that young men no longer need to fill themselves with booze in order to get the courage to approach pretty women such as my daughter. They have no ego to protect because it is all a fake synthetic environment- it is a world of unreality where one can be as one wishes with no repercussions.

In this fabulous world of total freedom people can express themselves freely. And of course with all that freedom comes the ability to say as you wish- to have the greatest impact you can possibly have- in order to stand out from the crowd.

I have to wonder at these young hungry men.

I imagine them there sitting on their tabbed browser. One tab has the free porno flick running at one corner of their screen. Several chatrooms and various social sites are running simultaneously. It is a very busy screen indeed. Neither the pub nor the club but the computer area in the house is the busiest of all areas for young men on the prowl for women these days.

Busy also are their hands which are frantically clicking and typing in a sweaty frenzy only leaving this task to occasionally relieve their insatiable erection's need for contact.Oh no! I'm not going to go there!You get the drift! What an image!!! They are so hungry- like those little fish.

My daughter has about 150 messages to answer at any given moment. The only break from the constant stream of young males is the occasional lesbian woman. And all these are from all over the world. So there is no real hope for many of these suitors of an actual hook up- but they still try.

For all this flurry of activity the common goal is of course reproduction. What a powerful urge it is- it is the true natural imperative. When you observe nature such as the actions of young men ( and little fish), one is awe struck. Now I know older blokes like myself were exactly the same in " Our Day" in our way of that time. I remember church was good for me.

What a sad thing to say. " In Our Day"

I gotta say (mainly to myself for some comfort): I like it that I have filled the youthful imperatives . I am past the "game". It is not so desperate now. Which is just as well. I have peace now. I am one of those big fish at the bottom. The only people who visit my various presences on the internet are men my age (looking for comfort), lonely women who are somewhat lacking in the appeal of youthful appearance and the occasional young man who clicked the wrong button in his highly agitated state and stumbled into my nether world by mistake.

I love you.

This is the one liner that arrives in profusion at my daughter's inbox and I know what inbox is on the mind of the sender. Love has nothing to do with it. Poor little fellows. Are they having a good time or are they simply lost in it?

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Talking about God

I forgot to mention in the last post- Good luck to you wonderful boys and girls playing with your new toy in Geneva. The Large Hadron Collider certainly wins in the best and most expensive toy ever. Beats my slot car set for sure. You can set up some mighty prangs and you may even be able to have some really cool accidents- you know the end of the world types of ones.

And good luck with finding the God particle.

When you find it------

will I be able to have my full head of hair back please?

And then we can really get down to playing God - look out Spore there's a new game in town.

I won't be sold.

A few posts ago I mentioned a new release game called Spore. I wondered at the time if it was going to be a bore. I must admit I actually held the box in my hand last Monday in EB Games store. The box looked OK but I resisted. The reviews weren't out then. But now they are and in force. Talk about talk it up. It ranks in the 90% + range.

Reviewers obviously think it's impressive stuff because you are playing God or something and it's really pretty and different and the work of a genius etc etc and all that. But if I read between the lines when they describe the game play- well it still sounds boring. It's more of a watch me play by myself type of game. In other words you are a spectator to an ongoing computer simulation. It is a game where you don't really win or lose or die or whatever. You just watch and tweak things a little bit. I guess that's the way it is for God.

I won't be sucked in to dropping my $100 for this one. Oh no! Not me! I am not an addict. I am not an addict. I am not an addict.

Oh God help me!!!!!!

I 'm sounding like I'm an addict.

Then a little voice inside my head ------------

Maybe I could just buy it and play it for a little while and then sell it on Ebay. Or maybe I could just go ahead and download it from Pirate Bay and be a thief for just a little while and then delete it off my computer. It sounds so interesting when you read the reviews. Maybe I really need to experience this one. Maybe I have been a bit hasty in my judgement on this obvious work of a genius. Wow! That's it. I can't really talk on it until I actually have tried it for myself. It's like trying to talk about how good sex is when you are a virgin. You just can't do it.

I'm breaking into a cold sweat just thinking about how easily I could just get in the car and go down to EB Games store and slam my credit card on the counter and just you know,---------- just-------------- get it!!!!!

I gotta go now. I need the equivalent of a cold shower that a porn addict would have whilst trying to abstain from masturbation.

I hate that we are living in such a world of obviously wonderful toys. The 50's and 60's and even the 70's were so good because they sucked so bad as far as great gadgets went. They all had wonderful limitations to put you off buying them. But now, well hey!!! You can play God.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

They switched on the Large Hadron Collider (LHC)

God help us!!!!!!!!!

Oh. It's alright.

We're still here.

Well, I think we are here. I wouldn't really know where I am most of the time. It's all too fast for me. I must have a bit of Tolkein's Ent personality in me. It comes from living up here amongst the trees for so long.

And the device sends particles in opposite directions at near the speed of light and it crashes stuff into other stuff. Sounds like great fun. The resulting train wreck contains important particles to our makeup. Some of them are yet- to- be-discovered particles. Isn't that really exciting?

I've always wanted to know what particles disappeared from the top of my head that made me bald. If they find them maybe I can get them put back. I don't know how they ended up in Geneva though???

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Living in contradiction

I swear I am a split personality. No sooner have I said something about something than I find in the next moment I'm totally saying the opposite.

I think life is set up to make us go this way. One minute you're arguing black is white and the next white is black. It's a real bastard. There is a destiny switch. I know it. It's like a toggle and it constantly flips from one pole to the other .

In conversation I find no sooner have I vanquished yet another weak opponent who dared to disagree with my brilliant point of view when along comes another one. And in order to win the debate I am compelled to take the absolute opposing view to the one I just held so strongly.

What a waste of time. Much like I do here. I waste so much time in all matters. But what else are we to do with time?

I have to sit back in awe at those people around me, and they know who they are, who try and be so productive with their time. How many times do I get asked by those poor unfortunate checkout people at the register: " Are you having a busy day?" When I answer no they look at me in disgust. I am so contradictory I can't even get my shit together enough to have a busy day. What a loser I am!

At least I can crawl back home with my tail between my legs and switch on the PC, surf the Net, turn on the Foxtel tune in to the mindless crap they deal up, put on my MP3 player, sit the dog or cat or both on my lap at the one time, pick up a crochet hook and yarn and crochet----- all this I can do from a seated position and all at once.

Now that's what I call a busy day. And on top of contradicting myself the whole time---well I am a very busy boy!!!

Is Spore gonna bore

I used to be a games addict. I was one of the first to own a Commodore 64 back in the 80's.

I am an addict no more.

I held on through the early noughties for some new type of genre in games to emerge but it didn't happen.

Now I am what is to be known as a "casual" gamer as opposed to "hardcore" which is really addict.

We've all gotta sample the pleasures of the flesh don't we and we risk addiction because it feels so good. Flesh feels good.

I do keep up with the news on games however.

The latest is the most publicized title in history- Spore.

I rushed out and bought the Sims 2 and gave it away because after you have stripped off the characters and done woo hoo it is all pointless. I even tried to make my own life in it with friends as support characters- it was a lack lustre experience which was a true and genuine simulation of my real life at the time. That hurt. So I gave the game away to my teenage nieces. Girls this age seemed to really like it. Say's something about their state of mind and I won't say anything on that for fear of offending.

Now this latest one by the same genius is about playing at being God. Sounds appealing enough. Until you realize all you are doing is creating the mundane that looks wildly different. But its still mundane. And I have given away the secret in these blogs. You simply can't do better than have a life of enjoying doing tedious things and resting from that by doing crochet. Why waste your time looking at a small screen watching it do exactly the same.

It's sort of like watching porn instead of actually doing it.

The Green Goblin

I was just reading that the police are being equipped with Hummers in Melbourne CBD supposedly to look really tough and to combat the increase in brawling in the city. An off road vehicle such as the Hummer is just what is required in the heart of the city. The going can get really difficult. Things like jumping kerbs and navigating tram tracks can take its toll on a standard vehicle. The sheer all terrain capability of the Hummer is what is required for safety alone. ( wink wink).

So then I got to thinking................................................................

How tough do I look in my little Hyundai Excel? It is that bright metallic green. You know, that bug green colour?

I could be a vigilante. I could drive the streets at night in my powerful car and violent types would cringe. The sight of that car would inspire fear in their hearts.

It's like a mate said- " Lucky you shave your head Pete- you would look really femme in that car of yours otherwise."

Like most everything in my life. I bluff my way through and get away with it.

It's a skill. And I've got it. Lucky Pete!

Monday, September 8, 2008

A wish to be cool

Okay. By now it is apparent that I am a wishful thinker. What wishes do I refer to by this?

Top of the list:

To be cool forever.

Cool is an interesting word. I started to use it when I was about 18 back in 1970. And I have to say the 70's were way cooler than now.-- I get ahead of myself--

Cool, -- what is it?

I don't know but it sounds cool just saying it.

Cool is youth producing. Use it and you drink at the fountain of youth. Even today's insipid youth use it. They haven't got anything of their own so they have been forced to use it. They tried sick as a replacement- but it just sounded, -well ----sick!

What really gets me uncool though is when I see those stinking Apple vs. PC ads. In fact anything apple. As soon as Apple realised that apples are stored in a coolstore they have been using cool to try and gain advantage over all the other geek stuff. They throw cool around like they own it or something.

Firstly, there is nothing cool about a bunch of wires and plastic. Cool used to be reserved to things way beyond mundane items such as electronic gadgets. On top of this anything branded was uncool. We were hippies and didn't wish to be seem as sheep supporting big corporations by wearing brands all over us. It was more to do with true fashion- things like how wide your flairs were or how visible your penis was due to the tightness around the crotch. Or, if there was something on your clothing, it was cool words that you had personally written on it or a bit of braid that you had sewn on yourself when you were mildly sober or straight. This was the true nature of cool.

Anyway in an attempt to maintain my cool I have done the following stuff over my life:

I partied and drank tanks of alcohol over a very long period of time.
I kept my hair in the required fashion at the time and when I lost it I started to shave my head bare
I refused to do a 9 to 5 job for most of my life.
But best of all--- at age 53 I picked up the coolest of all cool skills----------wait for it--------...................................................................................................................

Yeh!!!! That's what I'm talking about when I say coooool!!!

Sunday, September 7, 2008

A Cat's Bum can really stink

Today I have a very serious matter to expose to my devout fans out there. My cat has a very smelly backside. He wants to be really friendly and sit on my lap as soon as I sit down. This is a real problem. I appreciate that he is a very affectionate putty- cat and that he deserves a reward like a warm knee for his attentive behaviour. But he gets on my knee and suddenly I am surrounded by a vile smell from his rear. He also likes to roll over on his back and lay there whilst I tickle his tummy. This really allows the waft. Oh wow!

Anyway as I sat there the other night enjoying all bar the smell of the cat on my lap, you guessed it------------ I got to thinking.

I thought, Do I stink? Like the cat do I stink and don't know it. ( The cat doesn't know he stinks- even when I tell him he just looks at me puzzled. Worse still do I stink as bad as my cat's bum? Are people just so kind that they don't tell me that I really stink? Or are they honest and confident enough to tell me that I stink?

And then I really did some serious thinking. Over my life women never seemed to have been interested in me. Sure I have had a couple of wives over my time, but in general if I walk into a public place, never an eye has turned my way in a lust- filled furtive glance. I have never caught a woman having one of those magic moments with me as I have with pretty women I have spotted in my travels. So I thought do I stink and------------ am I ugly? Is it one or the other or, heaven forbid, both?

I thought about this for quite some time finally coming to the conclusion that I am probably just one of those ordinary people. I thought I was pretty good for a while when I was young. I now know better. I am probably ordinary with a slim possibility that I stink and maybe, just maybe, a bit on the ugly side. I feel so much better having made that discovery.

The shopping list this week will include lots of high and low end deodorants and some really smooth after shave lotions with lots of good invigorating smells to them. I can fix one of the issues but not both. I will just stop looking at any reflections of myself and I will feel better about that one. And I will continue living in hope that one day I will spring a happy pervert ( female only) looking at me. Gays don't count- they are very forgiving.

As to the cat- I found a moderate powdering at the rear with the cheapest of talc helps- Imperial Leather lasts for days. He hates it but I don't.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Idea skimming

One thing the internet has done for me is to teach me how to skim a page of writing. The process is called Cherry Picking. Just go to a webpage- one that is of absolute interest to you- one that you should be keen to pour over in great detail- so thirsty about its content that you should be prepared to drink in every nuance of it- and what do you do? Your eyes skim over all the words looking frantically for the punch line or that new bit of information your brain is craving. We have lost the ability to rest and drink when it comes to absorbing the communicated ideas of others. Move on nothing new here is the constant message we are receiving the whole time. We feel urgency to go faster and faster. We haven't got time to dilly-dally over a bunch of words- no way. We've got more important things to discover and do. We've got bigger fish to fry.

get what you came for and get out see that gotcha looking

This spin has got me and it has probably got you too. I feel I don't want to miss out on anything but I know I am missing out on so much because I am frantically looking out for not missing out on anything.

I, like most people do I am sure, spend my day shortchanging the moment because I am anxious to keep moving on.

God help those with families and those who also work regular jobs- they can't do what I am doing. They are pretty pissed off right about now I bet. How can this lazy slob sit there typing in this shit whilst I haven't got time to scratch myself.

And just exactly what am I doing? I am trying to force myself to slow down by observing the silly little moments in my life. I probably won't be able to do that when I am dead. Although from the stuff I skim on the internet this may not even be the case. Such is life in the days of string theory, Large Hadron Colliders, alternative realities, ufo's and whatever else we have skimmed over in our travels.

I reckon if God posted a blog and described exactly what it and He was all about people would just skate over it looking for more important stuff.

Give us this day

Our daily bread. Forget it. Have you bought your electronics today?

That camera you bought in 2003--well it's only 4 megapixel--you need 10 now don't you? The camera works perfectly well but let's face the fact. 10 is a lot more than 4. You can't see the difference in the photos given all these extra pixels but it is a lot better believe me. You can feel it. Because 10 as you know is better than 4.

And this old PC I work on. Well it's 5 years old. It's time to get another one and it has to have the latest operating system on it as well. XP is old- Vista is new. I know that the Quad core jobby with the Vista OS doesn't do anything that I can't already do and the gains from more advanced hardware are lost to software bloat and the fact that Vista lames out the PC in the first place. But that is no excuse- the numbers say it is time to upgrade.

I was born in 1952. God help me I am old hardware. I gotta upgrade. Time to plug in my brain to a new electronic gadget. It keeps me feeling young.

So I'm off to the shopping centre to drool over the latest stuff. I will feel young in the process. And I get to perve on all those Paris Hilton clones whilst I'm there. There are hundreds of them and they all exist in shopping centres! Why I will never know they look as artificial as the electronics I seek. But I dream about how they used to turn me on in the past. I forget who young women used to fashion themselves on then but I know it was like a Paris Hilton person. But now I am just a relic from the 70's.

A phantom who feels young in mind by the consumption of electronics.

Give us this day our daily bytes and forgive us our perving on young women in the shopping centre as we forgive those who don't look our way- I think that's the new Lord's Prayer.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Hanging out the washing

It has been raining here for the past month. But we are in a severe drought. What the ---???

Today whilst I hung out the washing I had a thought. Surprise surprise!

This garden was growing before I bought this place some 26 years ago. In fact it has been here for over a hundred years. It has seen many owners and their families mine included.

However in my small life here over the past quarter century it has witnessed me growing old. It looks far better than I do. It is tall and majestic. It is growing skyward whilst I stoop over. There must be a message in that. Must remember to buy some fertilizer. Might buy a bit for myself at the same time. It might straighten me up.

And as I hung out the washing ( another really persistent and enjoyable piece of drudgery)- I remembered- I used to hang out ladies stuff on the line. Skimpy little things that they were too.

I knew I was married then because I used to have female items to hang out. Well that and having to put the rubbish out which is a real man's job. This was one of the only ways I knew I was married much of the time if you gather my meaning. Although I did feel sort of honored in being allowed to hang out her stuff. Like I was the special one in her life because of that. Now I looked at the clothes on the line and I noticed that it was just manly things there. So being pretty bright I realized that I'm not married now. Funny how things like that can rise up to remind us of our position in life.

Then I got to some really deep thinking. Prepare for it------------------------------

I thought; I need new pegs. These ones were starting to fall apart from being on the line for a number of years through all the, drought! ( yeah right). Bloody drought they reckon and the ground is totally soggy. Anyway, wooden pegs do that. So do we.

Sometimes I just feel like one of those wooden pegs- worn out and breaking down. Broken and no longer functional so discarded on the soggy ground that's how I feel sometimes in a youth obsessed World. Maybe if I learn to insert "like" and "totally" into every utterance I make I will be seen as like totally young again. No. Like that will never happen. I am totally stooped over. Can't like hide it- I'm getting like totally old.

Re-iterating the point

Just in case the reader (someone may stumble upon this waffle) has missed the point of this blog here it is spelled out for you.

In our lives we start off feeling like we have a greatness. We are going to change the World when we are young. It's all in front of us.

Gradually this feeling of achievement is eroded for most of us. The day to day chore retards our forward impetus. Eventually at around age 50 we realize that there simply isn't that much in store for the wonderful me.

We get to the stage when we are over thinking about over thinking our future from over thinking our glorious destiny.

It is then when the little things in life become so important. Yes. We begin to sweat the small stuff. So ends dreams of greatness.

But guess what? It ain't so bad! Small things are so much more interesting when you realize they are right there for you every day of your life. Unlike things like money and fame there is no scarcity of small annoyances in life for anyone to enjoy.

And here is the point. You have to learn to enjoy these little things. Once you see the comedic value of your tiny existence all is revealed. Behind all there is in this life there is a sense of humour. It is not that serious. You can make it serious if you wish. Simply I choose to not do that. This little online diary thingy is my way of fighting back by spreading the word. God is a prankster. Enjoy it all and get over yourself in the meantime.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Thought in the middle of the night

Every so often I wake up in the middle of the night and have, what seems to be at the time, amazing concepts pop into my head.

This one hot off the press from last night:

I awoke thinking about the word eternity. Then a short while latter I thought about its companion infinity. Two mighty strong words. They are meaningless really because we have no way of understanding the full implications of their meaning.

Infinity is to do with distance without end.

Eternity is to do with time without end.


I kept thinking about them for some time in the darkness. The imagination runs wild at these times and everything seems to take on a grandiose scale of importance. In other words things grow big in the dark and these words represent the biggest in the scale of things. You can understand that I felt some breakthrough was coming. I felt I was about to crack it all. Then I thought of my old physics formula: speed equals distance over time. So I thought what word would be the equivalent for speed in this formula. We have distance and time covered but what word do we have for the maximum speed achievable or never achievable because it is beyond our understanding. I thought and thought but there was none that came to mind.

I have to say that at that time of the night the speed of light seemed pretty slow.

I know I am pretty slow on the uptake. I'm a plodder. I chip away at things rather than race forward in quantum leaps when it comes to thinking things through. Put simply, I'm not gifted- damn it! But it did seem to me that we have a lack of understanding in the basic written word about speed. We really don't know how fast something can go. We are flatworlders in terms of our understanding of speed. We have been fed by all those amazing brains through the centuries that nothing goes faster than the speed of light. Why then do we have a belief that time and distance are limitless whilst how fast something can travel in it is strictly limited? It seems almost like a design flaw. One part of the system can't keep up with the requirements of the rest. Any product designed like this would be flawed. I don't think the universe is flawed do you? I just
don't understand it.

So as I lay there in my warm bed in the dark it came to me. There is a word that we have that we also really don't understand in the least. It is limitless and it is unfathomable. It is love. If we said that speed without end is love what would we get. I will tell you what we would get. A headache. How do we accelerate an object to such unimaginable speed forever to infinity and the result is eternal and infinite love? I think I will just stick to loving the people around me or my dog or something. This is all just crazy thinking in the night! Can't help but itching over this thought though. It feels creepily like there may be some brilliance in it.

Then I realize it came from me- so it's all ill thought stuff- forget it!

Monday, September 1, 2008

Large Hadron Collider no removing pilling on clothes

I have discovered the way to bring clothes such as Tracky pants and Windcheaters and sox back to near new appearance. You know the problem one has with items such as these. Pills and pet fur build up so that you look disgusting when going out in public. You stand under those bright shop lights and the look of your top is, well poverty person plus.

So rather than restrict these worn items to knocking about at home here is a way to restore them to their near new state ( I estimate it as about 85% of new)

No single device will do it so here is your equipment list:

Metal Fabric Comb
Masking Tape
Lint Shaver
Magic brush ( The one with the flip head and some kind of reddish fabric that brushes one way and picks stuff up off the fabric)

Place your item of clothing on an ironing board and make sure you have plenty of light on the subject.
Wear your glasses if you need them.
Look closely at the fabric and don't scan across its surface with your eye. Look fiercely and intently at the crap stuck to it not at the fabric itself. I know this sounds odd but if you are like me you tend to scan across things ignoring the superfluous stuff like lint.

Now that you see the targets stay focused on them. Click your fingers and they are gone. Put away all the items that you collected for the job and go buy some new clothes.


As I looked at that magnificent photo I put up on this blog last night which was of my beautiful kitchen sink I thought of this:

While I wait for my Earth shattering idea I indulge in many interesting things. Dishwashing is one of my all time favourites because it is so all time.

I have a saying- Life is just one dirty dish after another.

No matter what happens in our life we will always have the true joy of doing the dishes. I don't know about you, but, I really enjoy getting up in the morning and facing those last night's dishes which I left because I was just so tired from doing dishes all day the day before.

And I find it simply fantastic that no matter how many dishes you do there is always another one that comes along just after you've let the water out of the sink. True joy.

But the really great thing about being chained to the kitchen sink is that you really get time to think. You can think about when it is ever going to end or you can ponder what you really would prefer to be doing now rather than cleaning grease off that chipped dish in your hands. The best one I have is this. I will go to my death with dishes still to be done and some other lucky person gets to finish my job for me. I am sure he or she will think of me as they scrub that wonderful dish clean. It's sort of immortality isn't it. It's our sign that there is an afterlife.