Today I have a very serious matter to expose to my devout fans out there. My cat has a very smelly backside. He wants to be really friendly and sit on my lap as soon as I sit down. This is a real problem. I appreciate that he is a very affectionate putty- cat and that he deserves a reward like a warm knee for his attentive behaviour. But he gets on my knee and suddenly I am surrounded by a vile smell from his rear. He also likes to roll over on his back and lay there whilst I tickle his tummy. This really allows the waft. Oh wow!
Anyway as I sat there the other night enjoying all bar the smell of the cat on my lap, you guessed it------------ I got to thinking.
I thought, Do I stink? Like the cat do I stink and don't know it. ( The cat doesn't know he stinks- even when I tell him he just looks at me puzzled. Worse still do I stink as bad as my cat's bum? Are people just so kind that they don't tell me that I really stink? Or are they honest and confident enough to tell me that I stink?
And then I really did some serious thinking. Over my life women never seemed to have been interested in me. Sure I have had a couple of wives over my time, but in general if I walk into a public place, never an eye has turned my way in a lust- filled furtive glance. I have never caught a woman having one of those magic moments with me as I have with pretty women I have spotted in my travels. So I thought do I stink and------------ am I ugly? Is it one or the other or, heaven forbid, both?
I thought about this for quite some time finally coming to the conclusion that I am probably just one of those ordinary people. I thought I was pretty good for a while when I was young. I now know better. I am probably ordinary with a slim possibility that I stink and maybe, just maybe, a bit on the ugly side. I feel so much better having made that discovery.
The shopping list this week will include lots of high and low end deodorants and some really smooth after shave lotions with lots of good invigorating smells to them. I can fix one of the issues but not both. I will just stop looking at any reflections of myself and I will feel better about that one. And I will continue living in hope that one day I will spring a happy pervert ( female only) looking at me. Gays don't count- they are very forgiving.
As to the cat- I found a moderate powdering at the rear with the cheapest of talc helps- Imperial Leather lasts for days. He hates it but I don't.