Monday, September 29, 2008

How females behave

Warning.

This is really deep

I was out back doing some gardening the other day and my daughters little Chihuahua bitch was watching me intently. I noticed that every time I looked up from my work her ears would drop and she would look somewhere else avoiding any kind of evidence that she was watching me. So in order to test my observation I would look away slightly then quickly turn back and look at her. She would avert her vision every time.

Aha! I'm onto you girls!

I often wondered over my life why women never seemed to look at me. I knew it was impossible that I was that ugly. I may even be a good looking guy. I think that because I have always managed to have good looking women - two pretty wives in the past and a new girlfriend now who is also very pretty - I suspect it is just luck or maybe they just feel sorry for me.

Anyway, the rule for the female, of all species it would appear, is: Don't get caught looking at the opposite sex.

Hang on!

That's the same for us guys. If you ever get caught looking at those inviting and highly flaunted boobies you are in big trouble. You are seen as some kind of lecherous horror head. It doesn't matter that their owner has them nearly hanging out of her top- don't look!!!

It is a disgrace to show keen interest in the opposite sex. Just keep yourself to yourself. Be truly moderate- like a eunuch. Keep those eyes well and truly under control man.

And of course if you happen to be advanced in your years- well- don't be a dirty old man by looking at the young females of the species. You are totally disgusting if you do so.

The bible has the solution: If thine eye offends thee - pluck it out. Oh great- such useful and sensitive advice from those ancient Jewish men- - They knew about control didn't they? They had the ultimate solution. Rip your bloody eyes out you sinner. Happy sexy thoughts turn to hellish nightmares when you think of this one. One wonders how they ever reproduced. They would all be staggering around blindly.

We should all just have empty sockets where eyes once were.

That works!!

It's far less painful and easier to simply not get caught. My daughter's little dog demonstrated the solution to me so easily. It's the natural way of things and that is - don't get caught.

See there are simple solutions to every problem!?!?

Now what was the problem again?

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