I have just been looking at the video I took whilst away on our trip to Tasmania. I have decided, Tasmania is beautiful, my girlfriend is beautiful, life is beautiful but unfortunately I am ugly. I can't stand looking at myself. I cringe every time I catch sight of myself. How did I end up so ugly?
I look at my face and it looks well worn. And I must stop smiling!. It ain't a good look. Serious is good for us ageing people. And the beanies I so avidly crochet- they look horrid. It's a shame I love crochet because the things that are useful which are made from it look totally stupid on me.
Oh God I'm ugly-- read--- much wailing and wringing of hands!!!!
I used to look so great when I was in my 20's. Well, when I say great- I was not actually embarrassed every time I saw myself in the photos of the day. It's cruel!. Never before have I had so much image capture gadgetry at my disposal but now I hate my own image. How cruel is that!!! Luckily I am mainly at the other end of the camera.
The worst part about bloody video is that it captures all of me. I can't stand my voice, I can't stand my way of moving and the way I hold myself. But do you know, the real tragic part is I can't stand what I say. It was the one thing I clutched desperately onto. In my head I think I am making all these witty comments. I think I would come across as an intelligent person who is fully entertaining. You know, the kind of person I would be proud to know. Well I'm not. I sound like a babbling old fool. Not very clever at all. Boring in fact. You know? The old codger type.
How anyone can find me attractive as a friend or especially as a lover I don't know. I reckon maybe God must put a spell on people who are near me so that they don't really get how repulsive I am.
But that bloody camera---- it never lies!!!!!
Oh well! Better clean up all these tear filled tissues and go wash some dishes. That will make me feel so much better.