Thursday, May 7, 2009

House of cards

I will start this one off on a serious note. I don't know if there is a twist of humour in it yet but we will see where it goes. Warning: it may be seen as negative. I will try and turn it back to up beat- we'll see how we go------------

Why is this blog about the little things? Why are there no reflections on the big things in my life? Why am I not trying to rock people's worlds with my brilliance? Well this last one is easy to answer; I'm not that smart. But yeah, back to the theme. The underlying thing I have here at Overthinking is a slow exposure to something very disturbing.

We live in a house of cards.

Doesn't this terrify you? It does me.

I will clarify this. I worked on a relationship with another person for 24 years. I was part of a family and I did all the family building things. I worked on being a loving partner in order to grow a strong emotional bond. I worked at building up a business in order to have security. I worked at being a parent to build a sense of selflessness within myself that only comes with family. If I were to picture this scenario it would be a vast structure that towered into the blue sky. Lofty in its intent and because it had been built over a quarter of a century it would appear very developed and strong. This is providing the work put in was good work of course. And I believed it was. What I failed to realise is that all this is just a deck of cards. We cling to things like partnership but the things we cling to are just like a house of cards. When your partner leaves, the whole structure of what was collapses. It has no strength at all. And it is so easy to destroy a partnership. One just has to walk away and in my case wipe out 24 years in one breath. Gone. Destroyed.

Now doesn't that take the smile off of your face? Don't you just feel like shit now? I am a real party pooper aren't I? Just when you were having a really good time reading all my trivial little pieces about all and sundry simple and shallow shit about night clubs and spiders and mating habits and all that crap---, I go and spoil it all by saying something serious. See what I mean about everything being a house of cards. I have just ruined your entire happy quota for the day. What an absolute arse I am.

Have a nice day! See there was a twist at the end- not a good one- but a twist. Have a secure day I should have said.

No comments: