Friday, May 1, 2009

I am not an animal

I just had the most exacting insight I have had in many a year. I had a reality check of magnificent proportion. I won't say just now how this came about but I will say at the end of this post and I'm sure it won't surprise.

A friend said to me " You are much nicer in real life than you are on your blog."

That got me to thinking- of course.

How would I describe me in my online personality.

Angry-pissed off-lost-annoyed-irritated-no patience-arrogant-judgmental-preachy-cynical-caustic-acerbic-pessimistic-defeatist-----All or part of all of these things could be gleaned from my writing. This is the online me. It is my alter ego. It is my beast. And I dress all the pulp I emit here in a veneer of humour; cheap, self indulgent stuff indeed.

But my dear readers it is not me. I don't know the real me; never have;never will. But I don't want it to be this person here on this blog. He is really screwed.

However letting out the beast in here makes me a better person out there in the real world. I used to drink buckets of booze to do this but now I do this. At least the beast here doesn't dance with chainsaws when pissed off his face as the beast of the past used to do.

So how did I get this deep insight? I was beautifully vomited upon. My friend brought over her baby. Whilst I held the bubs she, (the baby, not my friend) was very uncomfortable and was thrashing around and wailing profusely. Finally she let loose a big spew on my sleeve and then quietened down to a placid and happy state. This is what happens to me after I vomit all this stuff on the blog. Out goes the discomfort and in comes the peace.

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