Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I think therefore---What?

I think I may be dead. Maybe I was never born. Maybe I am just a thought existing in an illusion. How do I arrive at such a place in my thinking. Coincidence. I am being driven crazy by coincidence occurring ever more and more in my tiny life. I am just a little person; of no consequence in the big bad world really- why am I being targeted for these relentless coincidences? Why am I ahead of time all the time? When I say that I mean why am I doing some thing one day and the next it is thrown in my face? It's like it was prophesied by me the day before and now occurs. Why me? Am I going slowly mad? Probably!

My hungry ego seems to be enjoying it in a way. It makes me feel so special. Yes! That's it!!! I have special powers!!! What an amazing person I am. I just amaze myself sometimes. God has chosen me to be the man!!! This is the way I could go in my thinking and no-one would blame me. It's a matter of FIG JAM. " Fuck I'm Good; Just Ask Me" And this thought can go further: I could be, no, I am a great guru. That's it. I- am- a -wise- guru- with- special- God- given- powers. Look at me in awe people! Nyaa- ha---haaaaaa.

You can see why people go the way of the guru can't you? It's so easy. But let's face it we ain't that special. This society is set up to make us look at ourselves and when we do that we should always think positive. The example above is how thinking positive can and does go totally out of control. I mean- how do these self-proclaiming enlightened people get to where they say they're at. You know the ones? They sit there on a podium with thousands of devoted followers in awe of their ---their---- well--whatever they are supposed to be in awe of. Some guy up there on some stage with the right look of nothingness on his dial and he is the man. You know the ones. There are a million of them in India apparently.

Imagine being born and growing up just like the other kids and at some time in your life say to yourself- Ya know what? I reckon I've got special thoughts--- no special gifts---- no special powers even. I must be a magic man. I must be different and I should lead others to the higher meaning of things which only I know. I reckon when I grow up I will be a Guru. Yes that's it---a Guru.

Of course you have to have the most important skill. It's called bluff. You must bluff yourself and others. Yourself is easy- others can be difficult. You have to convince yourself first that you really are like this. Then you feel justified in sitting up there in front of thousands with your eyes in a dreamy glazed over sort of way and feel like you are really giving them something very very important. Something they don't know without you doing this thing of sitting up there with your eyes like that. The act becomes convincing because you have convinced yourself and so the followers follow. Sad.

Now where am I going with all this? I went off about those tricky little guru types out there. They truly annoy me in their pretentiousness. None of them are special. None. They are just people with no more or less knowledge of anything than you or I. That's it.

Well back to little me. I have no special powers. The shit that happens to me on a regular basis happens to everyone but the difference is I notice it and many don't. And even if they do they let it pass. Why do they let it pass? Most people have been desensitized by modern living. They are unexcited by everything really. Strange and coincidental things are a novelty for a moment in time; are unexplainable and are left to move on to washing dishes, cooking tea or paying the bills. Or the most important and time consuming one: how do I get that person to want me; to stay with me; to love me? There's no time to think in this life. We have things to do and certain things are considered pointless. Like thinking about weird stuff that happens to us all on a daily basis. Just let it pass. And the next time--- let it pass-- and the time after that--- let it pass. Ho-hum. Oh it happens to me all the time.

We are so full of ourselves. We are so busy------------- or asleep---(whilst we are awake that is)! The only difference with me to many of my fellow men; I don't let things just pass. I examine the minutiae. I am truly the Overthinking Man. And like everyone I have no answers to the strange coincidences and the odd events that happen to us which make us question our grip on reality and even reality itself. There are a lot of them too when you notice them. But I keep my eye on things. If I ever get the clues, as unlikely as it is, I will post them right here of course. So stay tuned.

So reality- I am watching you- you may be watching me-- but I am also watching you. In the words of Gandalf : You shall not pass!

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