Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Victoria leads

After yesterdays rant on the big brother scenario possibility posed by Google I will sound like a doomsdayer with this post as well today. I'm not really- it's just that there is so much shit going on at present. One either plays the ostrich or looks the beast straight in the eye. I prefer the latter.

As far as horrible apocalyptic stuff is concerned we seem to lead the world right her in little Victoria. We have drought more severe than anywhere else in the world. We have swine flu more than anywhere else in the world. We have bushfires. We have racial violence. We have violent crime on the rise in Melbourne CBD. All this to a background of global warming and economic meltdown. We got it all!

Why us now? I used to pride myself in living in the happy little state downunder where everything was cozy and safe and predictable. I even used to say you could always count on rain when you were planning an outdoor event. Now it's the opposite. Why us? Well, we've had it too good and we've taken everything for granted. We've lived like we are immune from trouble so it came looking for us. It's our turn people. Batten down the hatches!

What you gotta love though is the fantastic media in this state. They really try to warn us of every little thing. They advise us on how to cope with all these problems. So I'm gonna give you my tips on keeping safe here in Vic.

Get a rain water tank connected to your roof. Don't drink the water from it though coz it will kill you. Only drink bottled water. You need the water to fight fires with. Dig a friggin' great hole in ya back yard before summer. Load it up with provisions for a year just in case instead of a bushfire we get a nuclear attack (that could be next the way things are going). Wear a mask on your face and gloves on your hands at all times when not eating or wiping your bum or scrubbing your hands in disinfectant which you should do every hour. Don't see anyone and order your foood in- no take away- only food you can sterilize personally. Turn out the lights and go to bed till it's all over. Bed is the only safe place now in Victoria. Particularly if you are unfortunate enough to be Indian.

Anyway, if you have time after all this stuff you may want to consider doing botox. You want to go down looking good don't you?

No comments: