Sunday, November 15, 2009

Break ups- part 1

This is a really complex subject and may take lots of posts to work my way through so I have made it a multi-parter. I will write on it as I get the ideas from time to time in the future.

Oh. By the way; several months ago I told you I knew the meaning of life. So ok I will disclose it here because it sort of ties in. I have kept you waiting long enough.

There is a creator. Maybe He likes to play golf. Maybe we are His golf balls. He swats us around in this reality whether we like it or not. Forget free will- it's an illusion. And nothing shows this more than the subject of this post- relationships- destinies at play. It sure enough seems like it to me.

My girlfriend's daughter has just announced she is or rather maybe breaking up with her long term (as a proportion of her age) childhood sweetheart. Yes I know- A very sad event for these young people. Yawn! Oops! Where's my sympathy? Come on overthinking man- don't lose it!

My own daughter recently broke with her long term partner and I have recently broken with my long term wife of 24 years so events like this really hit a raw nerve with me. They really get me thinking. Overthinking in overdrive. It's time for the overthinking man to put up a post on the relationship thing.

Relationships are the biggest source of people's interest in all of life. For many people it's what life is all about and to others if its not what it is all about it sure still rates as number one ahead of the other things. Like my uncle used to say: We are hatched, matched and dispatched. That's really all there is so the matched thing is what exists between life and death.

So. We have established that it is the finding and being in a relationship that is all important to us. No dispute- we all gotta agree on that don't we? Priests and monks etc. don't count. They are just plain weirdos. Right?

Now this is where I get controversial. Being with someone is like being on the edge of a precipice looking down whilst the earth around you is shaking. So here's the contradiction: We seek a partner for emotional security whereas in fact we are lining up for the most insecure state of existence we could ever be in. Get it?

Now. I know the reason for this insecurity. Inside of all of us is a switch. It switches on and off with or without reason. We have no control over it. It is the love switch- whatever love is of course. No-one knows.

How do I know about this love switch thing? Well I have witnessed it over and over throughout my 57 years. It has been much more obvious in women than men though. The emotional makeup of women is totally weird. One moment she is all over a bloke- can't get enough of him. He is the centre of her universe. He can do no wrong. He is her Heaven. The switch flips. It is all over. The feeling is gone. She doesn't know why. She doesn't know why she was with him in the first place. He was totally wrong for her. She doesn't understand what she saw in him. She has awoken from her sleep. She is moving on. No reason in particular. But we know the reason don't we? The switch has flipped.

There is no sense or reason to any of our existence when it comes to relationships. We are either in one or not in one. Forget the in between thing that's just a shade of grey.

Now this is where I get really acidic in my dissertation. Burn baby burn!

If you're plain, ugly or fat or whatever it is that makes us less attractive to the opposite sex, you are in for a peaceful and orderly life. It won't be interrupted by the comings and goings of relationships very often and if it is you know that your partner must really love you because looks don't come into it. Or if you find yourself 50 and over and alone then you can relax into an uninterrupted single life in the main. ( Of course you won't be happy because we never are and the thing we don't have is always the thing we want but that is a whole other post). See. When you hit this stage the attractiveness thing is dead. its best to stop kidding yourself that you still got it etc and just do something else with your life other than chasing partners and stuff. Well this is how it should work anyway but it doesn't because we still think we need to be in a relationship even though we are no longer in the reproduction race.

So why do I say it is best to jettison the relationship thirst? Well, I guess the flattened emotional existence of perpetual singledom and the associated lack of need or concern that we will be disturbed by the machinations of flirtation and wooings can be seen as the cause of a lonely but relaxed state of mind. One can get on with other things. But if you are anything like me and everyone else- your switch will probably flip and you will fall again. That bloody switch!!!!

So in this little post we have discussed the basis of the switch. Maybe at some future time I will go into other deep and useful observations concerning the human condition. In the final analysis however the purpose for all this running around seeking relationships thing is------------------ we gotta do something whilst we are awaiting the next load of dishes.

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