Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Distraction

Do you feel like there is something you gotta do but you are always being distracted? Phone calls, texts, emails, people dropping in, family wanting your attention all that and then dishes and more dishes and lawns to mow and an aand,,,,,,, everything. Well I did- past tense. I did.

Now that I' m all alone at last, I am struggling to find the thing that I always thought I was being distracted from doing for all those years. How's that for fucking weird! After all my bitching about interruption and getting pissed off about so many things to do before I could do the thing I really wanted to do and being too busy doing meaningless shit and all that---- well it made me fucking forget what I really wanted to do in the first place. That's fucked!

I'm sitting here thumb- in- bum- and- mind- in- neutral. How totally fucked is that? It's poetic justice. It just goes back to the old whatever we are doing is not what we are supposed to be doing thing.

Looks like dishes is what we are really supposed to be doing. Everything else is purposeless.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Have you been sabotaged today?

Okay here's what the inner voice is saying for today. " That will not happen. Whatever you're thinking. It will not happen."

You heard the same thing yesterday. And the day before and the day before and.......... every day before that.

He is the internal saboteur. We all have him inside us.

On top of this helpful insight I give this to help you on your day. He is right!

So get over it- and go ahead and do whatever you want to do anyway.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Resuming my life

My life has been on hold for 26 years. This is the time it took for me to finally clear out the house I bought all those years ago of all other family members. Wife left 3 years ago. She was the first canary to fly. daughter is leaving next Tuesday. So my job of being a husband and a father is over.

I am left to continue with my over thinking and I will not be interrupted by the constant needs of others as is the case when one has family around them. Ooh! It's scary to have such freedom again. My posts here will become very confronting and possibly very weird from then on.

You ain't seen nothing yet.

Dishes as art

I have finally found the perfect painting. It states the philosophy I have tried to preach here in one perfect image. The artists name Ian Schnabel a self proclaimed genius.

I must agree.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Fresh start- clean slate

I see that TV has another one of those docos scientifically examining the bible being some kind of factual account of things that happened in the past. Oh yawn!

Recently I have begun feeling invaded. No I don't mean that I have aliens standing at the end of my bed ( But this is no more fantastic than the myth of Christmas mind you). But i feel more that my parents allowed my developing mind to be subject to an implantation of a meme. You know, a virus of the mind. In fact this practice continues at this very time of scientific enlightenment. How can we allow this terrible thing to happen to our children? And people think it is good!!!

Are we ever going to evolve as an intelligent species or are we forever going to be caught infecting each new generation with the myths that religion perpetuates?

As I have said before, I do believe in an intelligence behind all this life. I do believe in purpose and meaning. I do believe in goodness and love. I do believe in an afterlife. I do believe I have a personal connection to God/ the creator/ universal conciousness /force or whatever you would call it. I feel it strongly and I am reminded almost every day through lots of coincidences that are simply beyond coincidence to my mind. But I just can't come at the religious myths as being factual accounts of what really happened in the past. I have cleaned the slate of recent on all this type of belief and I don't feel guilty in the least.

This lack of guilt was the most difficult part of the whole exercise because this is the worst part of the whole religious myth. It says basically if you don't believe the myth then you are forever lost because you are wrong and do not have the truth or worse you have rejected the truth and because of this damned for eternity because you are not one of the saved people. This is the nastiest mind trick of the whole thing. This is the one that keeps the whole myth from going the way it should- into the past.

Now I feel like a freshly washed dish. And I sparkle.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Australia the moderate and moderated country

I am happy to be an Aussie. I know I live in probably the most comfortable nation on the planet at this time in human history. Until today. We are going to be subjected to big brother telling us what we can and can't see on the internet.

Yes we are too comfortable and when that happens we get sleepy.

There is a simple principle that I hold to- leave the Internet alone- I want anarchy in one place only- the Internet. It is important to have one place where we know there are no restrictions. Like in the movie 2010 I say to this government

- all of these worlds are yours except this one-

the internet.

I hope there are some really smart people out there who can teach this government a bloody good lesson. I want all their sites hacked to the shithouse until they back off from this ridiculous and meddlesome task.

Yes the internet and anarchy has its risks and it's not all good. But the real good of it is the total freedom it represents. This pitiful protect the children battle cry that politicians bandy around for their curbing of our freedom, yet again, doesn't hold up. It will do nothing mark my words. The governement should leave parenting to the parents of this nation.

Next you will see the overthinking man in handcuffs for putting up a subversive blog. Yeah right!

Monday, December 14, 2009

A zombie time of year

Christmas is upon me. I am out with the mass of people in the shopping centre frantically trying to get the gift buying thing out of the way. I know I should be more cheerful- but I just want this part of it out of the way. It really makes me edgy. And for all the over choice we seem to enjoy during the year in our addiction to spending, there seems to be a sort of sameness to the gift ideas of this year to that of last. And it is sort of limited unless you wish to spend serious money on each person.

The weird thing is though, I usually love to go out spending. Any excuse and I will rush out and spend. But when you feel compelled to do it, well, that's a whole different thing. No- one tells me what to do. Right? Wrong.

Freedom. Forget it. We are zombies. We march out and we do as we are told. Spend. Spend now. OK. Spend now even though the prices are all temporarily inflated. OK. Spend now on stuff that people will unwrap, look at and then forget for the rest of their lives. OK.

Legend would have it that it is to do with celebrating the birth of a guy who ended up a zombie- no disrespect intended. Mind you , there is absolutely no hard historical evidence that this guy ever actually lived in the first place so the zombie thing may be just a myth. It is a matter of taking that on faith. But it is a sort of fully zombie thing isn't it? We act like zombies going in for the whole thing in mindlessly doing what has been done for centuries without question. And then you think in terms of giving the perfect gift. The perfect gift for this planet at this time is to cut back on consumption and things that cause unnecessary consumption like Christmas would be best put a whole other way. It would be best to say to our fellow man. Don't give gifts anymore just wish everyone around you peace on Earth but do the Earth the biggest service you could in its troubled times. Don't massively consume on a global scale such as they would have that this season requires. The bloke who's life we apparently celebrate didn't mass consume did he? Apparently he lived as a poor person. He taught a non material message of care. Care without presents. Sorta says something about the incongruous nature of the yearly event.

And if we keep up this out of control consumerism then we truly are the walking dead. Our time will soon come to an end. Not consuming at Christmas- now that would be a real celebration- if we were a logical species that is. And we most certainly are not.

Merry Christmas.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Living with unpredictability

We want it.
We need it.
We can't have it.

Therefore---------
We cry out.
We get angry.
We get drunk.

What is it?

Knowing our future.

I know my future.

Dishes then death.

So

I cried out
I got angry
I got drunk.

Then I didn't.

I still do dishes.
I will still die.

So what?

The end



Not really - I'll be back.

Gentleness

Manners have been abandoned as they appear to be unnecessary. It is no longer the measure of a man as to whether he is well mannered or not. Knowing where to start when confronting more than a knife and fork placed in front of you at the table is unimportant. It is more a matter of comical confusion. Oh by the way. When facing an array of eating irons as you well may at a decent quality restaurant, work from the outside in. It's all you have to remember but even that seems too difficult or of course unimportant for the simians with money these days. I know I shouldn't say such things as it is disrespectful to my fellow. But honestly, it doesn't take much to be a little classy in the matters of polite behaviour. We have put a torch to the old school ways but I really think we have lost much that is endearing about the past. The main thing being gentleness. It has been harped on by old people over the generations but now I think it has finally come to an end. It's been clearly disposed of with a label of obsolete bullshit.

i know in my youth I hated all the ostentatious crap my mother went on about. But as I grow older I realize that was simply the shortsightedness of youth. There is a whole gentle and orderly style of living which many have lost because they have embraced the TV lifestyle. The culture of the home now revolves around the glowing screen. Concentration on anything that relates to manners, style, ritual, embellishment of an ordinary thing like dining with the family is gone. The screen continues to glow and all at the table stare blankly at it. The act of eating is in the large part secondary and what goes on at the table at the time is unimportant. The screen is important. We don't want to miss a thing.

The correct adjective is genteel. i want to be a genteel person as I grow older. I am most assuredly out of practice or really I never was but I want to give it a go. I have done all the tough boy stuff. It has done nothing for me. It hasn't gained me any respect at least. And when I say this I don't mean respect from others, rather, I mean respect from myself.

Suddenly in my life, I wish to be more well mannered and mild. I wish to be orderly and calm. I want to be all those things that I considered best left to wimpy men. Oh fuck yeah! Oops. I beg your pardon. I will get the hang of it------ Oh gosh. That's better-- what a surprise!

Monday, December 7, 2009

Fooling ourselves

I knew it. Men think they are smarter than women--- but aren't. Here's the article I'm just normal/average intelligence but have always felt pretty much bloated in this area. Typical of a man. There's nothing new or advantageous in the knowledge of it but some scientist got research money doing a survey of it. Wow.

Common thinking

I woke up this morning thinking about what many people think about. The first was Jesus Christ. I immediately, on impulse and for no known reason, googled, as I have done before, Jesus Christ Myth. That really opened up a heap of links. Too many to be of any use really and all of them taking one side, yes the man really lived and no he was a myth. The problem with the resourcefulness of the Internet at our disposal is that we now have a sea of opposing opinions to wade through before we can make up our mind on anything. Also it is only going to get worse. On the subject itself, I would say that in my opinion the man was a myth. I'm a party pooper for all my good Christian friends including my beautiful girlfriend but I am sorry to say that I have found nothing to support the actual existence of Jesus. Mind you, before the Internet I hadn't even questioned the existence of Jesus in history. It never occurred to me that he may be a myth. Catholic background you know- it always made out that all the stuff they were feeding my young mind was fact including all the metaphysical clap trap contained within religion. It was all a meme. I know that now thanks to the Internet. If you don't know what a meme is look it up on the Internet because I think that's what we have all caught - memes.

Currently the biggest cultural meme amongst young girls is Twilight. It's gone beyond simple entertainment into the realm of emotional reality. They actually believe it is a good work of art in the first instance and secondly they actually think it is perfection in it's depiction of romantic love. In two thousand years will it be so important artisticall,y literally or in any way. How is it that Jesus kept up with the times. Now that's a mystery isn't it?

Common thinking is that the climate is changing. To me it's all just weather and whether. Explaining this: We will always have weather and it's whether you believe or not that it is in some way different to the way it was is the issue. So further on in my thinking I think - will this be the issue most thought about in two thousand years? I doubt it.

Common thinking is so short lived really.

As a post script; I put this ordinary little piece of writing up to:

Scare off bible bashers
Scare off teenagers

I don't want any of these types here on overthinking. Not that I have too many visitors to scare off in the first place- but just in case I become a meme. ( I live in hope)

Saturday, December 5, 2009

High Anxiety

I write about a lot of things here on overthinking. The common thread however is coping with high anxiety. This why I write in the first place. I'm sure anyone who is time rich enough to read my drivel will pick up on this straight away. They would say: " Here's a classic example of a bloke who suffers generalized anxiety disorder and here are his various anxieties on show for the world to see"

Well people! I'm not alone in this. You're all in it. How do I know this? Well I just watched a BBC production High Anxieties: The Mathematics of Chaos about mathematics and it's failure to show reality to be predictable. It is showing that it is exactly opposite. Chaos rules. Chaos is the natural state of things and nothing is sure or predictable. Hence the failure to be able to avert economic collapse and climate change for example.

Well I prove that something is predictable every day of my life as do you. Dishes. They always have been there and they always will be there as long as we are here. We are in a death grip dishes and us. We need them and they need us. I think mathematicians should start looking closer to home and they will see one thing stands proudly in life as being always there. Dishes.

But I don't want to get caught in the dishes thing. I have belaboured that point long enough. I want to talk about God. Not the just religious one, but the same one who sits in the scheme of the set up of things. See. I believe in God. You would reckon after all the thinking I do that I would have ruled him out much earlier. But here I am believing in the creator. I have my reasons and that is personal. No-one would believe me if i told them the various things that happen in my life so rather than coming across as a nut I will just remain silent on this.

Bottom line is; for all those atheists and their attempts to rule out the creator, I still reckon the big fellah is there. These people are just closed, smug and blind to what happens around them. I don't like the religious picture of God though. It leaves me feeling that my poor fellow man is in some kind of trance like state. In their state of growing high anxiety they reach out more and more for God's help in matters but they get nothing. In sprouting the religious absurdities they play into the atheist's hands completely. I worked out the God-help-me thing really early in my life. After I had bleated my needs for years and years all to no avail I sort of imagined hearing something in my tiny mind. It was like a large and great voice came out of the Heavens into my brain and it said to me " You're on your own kid- till we meet again later on after all this"

And I think what it meant was that chaos is where you are and I will see you to have a rap about it when I'm outta here. And I have to say- I can live with that, because I know where I stand - I can live with that. Those poor buggers who sit there praying till they get all sweaty asking for this and asking for that, well they simply don't understand the nature of the thing we are in. They don't understand the set up and it is a set up. It has all been set up for us. We go through it, in chaos, then we are out of it. Purpose unknown. Other than washing dishes. Purpose unknown.

And as all this becomes more apparent as science and maths keep digging deeper and deeper and see just how chaotic it really is ( yet still trying to think that it isn't really) the population gets more and more anxious. Because everyone wants solidarity we hold onto this solid and that solid only to find them turning into vapour at a later time. We will never hold all the grains of sand that we scoop up from the beach. Never. Even one particle will always slip past our collecting and hand this one particle will always confound the predictability of how many grains of sand we are holding in our hand. And the butterfly wings on the other side of the world will cause the breeze to blow some of the gains of sand off the pile in our hand as we try to count them. And we can never count them anyway because there are too many.

So we get ever more anxious as more and more failures are thrown up to us in this unsure world. We don't even know if we are going to survive our own stupidity as a species let alone know how the universe tick. It's all too hard. I'm going to wash some dishes. God did great creating dishes, it's all we've got to take our mind off such large and scary things.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Lost in the day

I have known many troubled women in my life. My mother was a very troubled person. She was very bitter and self destructive and only lived to 59 due to her excessive smoking and drinking. As result I seem to have continued to collect a variety of "friends" who are of the female persuasion and who are emotionally bereft. I have done this probably to, in some way, replace my mother even though these women are rather much younger than me.

Anyway enough of the psycho-analytical stuff and on with the fun.

The other day I read a friend's facebook status- can't imagine why I bother but I do- She sounded in a very bad way so I sms'd her to see what her problem was. Yes I am an idiot! Gentlemen! Rule number one. Never ask a woman what the problem is if it doesn't involve you personally. You are really going to be told and you run the risk of becoming embroiled. Well of course that's what happened to me. I became the object of her derision rather than the person she was actually having problems with. I was called everything from a grumpy old man ( true) through to a split personality disordered person. And why you may ask. Well here it is:

Wait for it-------- I told her I thought her taste in men was in her boots--- how's that for a true idiot? Here she was complaining about her drug addicted partner and I went ahead and told her that her taste in men needed to improve. Well you can see the problem here can't you? I am a real problem. I tell the truth. We are not supposed to do that. You are not supposed to advise a friend that his or her taste may be a little off. Because, you see, we all have impeccable taste. And the fact that we have repeated problems with the partners we hook up with and the fact that so many go through the chute ending badly and the fact that there is an underlying type of person that we keep hooking up with who makes our life misery at a certain point---- well it's nothing to do with our taste is it? I shouldn't have even gone there. But like an idiot I did and I paid the price.

Scathing she was in her attack which she considered defence of course.

I'm 57. I'm a big mouth. I'm trouble to women who actually don't really wish to solve their problems but more, maintain them, so their lives are more exciting. Because as I see it- many unfortunate women have only one interest-- emotion--and they get it whichever way they can and it can be either positive or negative - it matters not to them. It's a habit. And it's virtually impossible to break it and I am learning that through some of the females ( not all mind you) I know in my life.

And they are trouble to me- and I am trouble to them. Because a big mouth is the worst thing for these women and these women are the worst thing for a big mouth. This is what is referred to as co-dependency.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Bad is good

I noticed an article in today's Age newspaper on songs that are junk food to healthy teenage thoughts on relationships. Of course Lady Gaga was right up there. She is so ordinary. She has been wheeled out as the next outlandish bad is good girl. Each generation has to have one and this poor excuse is the top of the pops at present. This got me to thinking about the whole concept of bad is good.

Good is so uncool isn't it. The goody religious types have done a great job of making good totally corny. They are really sickening with their syrupy concoction of childishness and cuteness fuelled by an acute fear of hell and Godly wrath in their afterlife if they ain't like that.

see. Good is a really serious business. When something good is happening we are supposed to be really proper in our response to it. We gotta be you know- appropriately impressed and show serious acknowledgement of the goodness. You know. We gotta be all pious like. But bad well bad is just way cool. We feel really cool just being bad. You know like being pissed. It's really cool to be off your face. It's a party- get of your face. Not. It's a party- have some yummy chocky cake. That's just plain lame right?

I did a shitload of partying for most of my life. I was a bad boy. Fully bad. No drugs- just shitloads of piss. Me and the Maoris ( renowned for pissing on you know) - every weekend full on pissed. I was way cool because I was fully pissed. The only thing was- I didn't realize that I was no longer a teenager. And consider; I only stopped 4 years ago- age 53.

See, getting totalled, is for the teens. It's what they must do. Or they are lame. That's all. Such wisdom I come out with sometimes. This has said absolutely nothing. But I wrote it anyway.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Set the course to straight ahead

How do people do it?

i write my little musings here and they always suffer the same pattern.

I start off writing in one direction and by the end of the writing I have turned around in the opposite direction to my opening attitude or opinion. I'm like a ship that sets off on a course gets a certain numberr of kilometres out from port only to discover that it is heading back to port. It's simply sailed a big adventurous circle.

it's pretty much how life goes though. We are distracted by the goings on around us that make us think we a doing something new all the time. But we're not really. We are doing the same things with different things or people. God knows when we get into our circles. Sometime when we are very young of course. But it is virtually an illusion that we set the course to straight ahead. Our rudder is well and truly set to navigate a big circle.

But it's underwater and we don't see that.

Too much

I don't think I am alone in feeling this.

I feel ever more distracted and overwhelmed. I want to do something but I seem not to know what I want to do so I don't do anything other than what I am doing and I feel frustrated whilst I am doing the thing I am doing because I would rather be doing something else but I don't know what else I would rather be doing. I just would rather be doing something other than what I am doing. I can't settle. Then when I am doing something I think I should be doing something else but there are so many other things to do I don't know which one I would rather do from what I am doing now. The thing I'm doing now seems to frustrate all the other things I would rather be doing but I really don't know what I would really like to do because there is no way of knowing where the bottom line to my yearnings lies.

So I just do the dishes and dream that I am more important than the chores I actually am doing at the time. But I'm not. I'm just a frustrated egotist who's lot in life is to do the dishes. But I just can't help feeling there is more to my life than this. But there isn't. I just wish there was.

There's gotta be something important for me to do.Doesn't there?

How pitiful is that?

But it's not my fault. Because the popular media say we are always capable of greatness. They keep throwing up all those achievers ( people who don't do dishes) as examples to us all. I just wanna know how the fuck they got past doing dishes all the time. I'm truly stuck.