Saturday, December 5, 2009

High Anxiety

I write about a lot of things here on overthinking. The common thread however is coping with high anxiety. This why I write in the first place. I'm sure anyone who is time rich enough to read my drivel will pick up on this straight away. They would say: " Here's a classic example of a bloke who suffers generalized anxiety disorder and here are his various anxieties on show for the world to see"

Well people! I'm not alone in this. You're all in it. How do I know this? Well I just watched a BBC production High Anxieties: The Mathematics of Chaos about mathematics and it's failure to show reality to be predictable. It is showing that it is exactly opposite. Chaos rules. Chaos is the natural state of things and nothing is sure or predictable. Hence the failure to be able to avert economic collapse and climate change for example.

Well I prove that something is predictable every day of my life as do you. Dishes. They always have been there and they always will be there as long as we are here. We are in a death grip dishes and us. We need them and they need us. I think mathematicians should start looking closer to home and they will see one thing stands proudly in life as being always there. Dishes.

But I don't want to get caught in the dishes thing. I have belaboured that point long enough. I want to talk about God. Not the just religious one, but the same one who sits in the scheme of the set up of things. See. I believe in God. You would reckon after all the thinking I do that I would have ruled him out much earlier. But here I am believing in the creator. I have my reasons and that is personal. No-one would believe me if i told them the various things that happen in my life so rather than coming across as a nut I will just remain silent on this.

Bottom line is; for all those atheists and their attempts to rule out the creator, I still reckon the big fellah is there. These people are just closed, smug and blind to what happens around them. I don't like the religious picture of God though. It leaves me feeling that my poor fellow man is in some kind of trance like state. In their state of growing high anxiety they reach out more and more for God's help in matters but they get nothing. In sprouting the religious absurdities they play into the atheist's hands completely. I worked out the God-help-me thing really early in my life. After I had bleated my needs for years and years all to no avail I sort of imagined hearing something in my tiny mind. It was like a large and great voice came out of the Heavens into my brain and it said to me " You're on your own kid- till we meet again later on after all this"

And I think what it meant was that chaos is where you are and I will see you to have a rap about it when I'm outta here. And I have to say- I can live with that, because I know where I stand - I can live with that. Those poor buggers who sit there praying till they get all sweaty asking for this and asking for that, well they simply don't understand the nature of the thing we are in. They don't understand the set up and it is a set up. It has all been set up for us. We go through it, in chaos, then we are out of it. Purpose unknown. Other than washing dishes. Purpose unknown.

And as all this becomes more apparent as science and maths keep digging deeper and deeper and see just how chaotic it really is ( yet still trying to think that it isn't really) the population gets more and more anxious. Because everyone wants solidarity we hold onto this solid and that solid only to find them turning into vapour at a later time. We will never hold all the grains of sand that we scoop up from the beach. Never. Even one particle will always slip past our collecting and hand this one particle will always confound the predictability of how many grains of sand we are holding in our hand. And the butterfly wings on the other side of the world will cause the breeze to blow some of the gains of sand off the pile in our hand as we try to count them. And we can never count them anyway because there are too many.

So we get ever more anxious as more and more failures are thrown up to us in this unsure world. We don't even know if we are going to survive our own stupidity as a species let alone know how the universe tick. It's all too hard. I'm going to wash some dishes. God did great creating dishes, it's all we've got to take our mind off such large and scary things.

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