Monday, March 1, 2010

Abandoned projects

I am an overthinking man. I can't help it. I don't just think  like normal people- I overthink and as a result nothing really gets finished. I talk of dishes a lot because I understand that at least I have an excuse with dishwashing in that the stream of dirty dishes never stops. Thus I don't feel guilty by never finishing the task.

i jump now to a real life example of another kind of overthinking species. The Orb Spinning Spider. I have watched them for hours in their web building projects. They are so delicate and they never seem to be satisfied with the end result. They are always fixing this and cleaning that. They live their lives exactly as i do. They are my animal spirit guide for sure. I think like an Orb Spinning Spider. They are much more resilient than me however. They persevere. They see a project through to the end so that they can catch their reward which in their case is their food. I don't. I rarely see things through to get my reward. And the reason I never do this is because I lose sight of the reward at some stage of every project. I get bored with it and just stop doing it.

Unfortunately I have taken this style of behaviour to my relationships with some people. I work diligently to keep them happy and I do everything I can to get them to be my best friend. I put up with all kinds of shit. A lot of it goes against the grain too. But I keep my eye on the reward which is that they will be my friend and keep me special in their lives.

But like the spider, sometimes the web becomes just too difficult to maintain with some people. I keep patching this area and fixing that broken thread all in a pathetic attempt to keep the web of our relationship intact. Then I lose sight of the reward in the project. And it is abandoned. With some projects I have been compelled to just walk away. And I never look back. I do feel deep disappointment though. The answer is do not embark on friendships that are projects. I have too many of them in my life and I am abandoning them one at a time. They go in the form of totally fucked up women. All Blondes!!! How is that for coincidence?

There. Is that obvious enough? Now I can move on with the more important aspects of life. The ones that are in fact rewarding. The ones that have a possibility of completion. Fucked up people can never be fixed. They like being fucked up. It's part of their character.

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